Back on Track......I hope!!!

I went to the doctor today and was put back on Progesterone.  Seems with endometriosis, it has something to do with having too much Estrogen in my system and not enough Progesterone.  I also found out that I was using it wrong the first time around.  I got some strange looks and almost got in trouble for quitting the Progesterone because I had sprained my ankle and was afraid of getting the medication on everything I used.  They couldn't understand my reasoning, until they found out I was rubbing it in with my hands.  I was told you rub the medicine in with your arm or wrist because it doesn't absorb into the skin on the hand because it's so rough.  WOO HOO!!  I'm going to actually be using it right!!!  The doctor said it would help with my mood swings!!  

Speaking of mood swings... I have one of Terri's shirts that says something about beware of mood swings and it has Tweety sitting on a swing.  I decided when I know I'm going to have a mood swing day, I'm gonna wear that shirt and give everyone some warning...LOL

Having a hard time

Lately it just seems like everything is going down hill.  For the past.....hmmm....I guess three weeks, I have been an emotional wreck!  Every where I turn there are babies!!!  I feel like I'm in the movie Ghostbusters and there's a gigantic baby chasing me!!  No matter where I hide, it finds me.  


Next week, I'm going back to the doctor to try a different type of hormone, so maybe that will help me some.  I have hot flashes and mood swings.  I get asked if I'm not too young to be having the hot flashes, but I've had them for years.  

I'm just getting tired of hearing about who's pregnant and their complaints on being sick during the pregnancy and lack of sleep or social life after the baby's born.  I would LOVE to have morning sickness!!!  I would love to have a reason for my mood swings and feeling the way I feel most of the time.  It's like what "Brooke Taylor" said in Facing the Giants, "Grant, I'm still clinging to a hope that one day we'll have children. I imagine them running in this house. I hear them playing in the backyard. Or running to our bed in a thunderstorm. And I think about reading them stories and teaching them songs. And I just keep thinking; how can I miss someone so much that I have never met?"  

I actually feel like someone has died, but this someone has still yet to be created.  The someone has no name, no shape, no....nothing.  And this grieving is worse than grieving for anyone who I've loved that has died.  This grieving is like nothing I have ever felt before.


Some will say, "you're a step-mom, isn't that enough?"  That's like asking someone that only speaks to a family member by phone and misses them dearly, "isn't that enough?"  Getting so close to a goal and never being able to accomplish it, but "isn't that enough?"  It tears at your very being.


Well, this has exhausted me, so I guess I'm done for the night.


Lots of Love!