Here lately I have been hiding my pain and my heartache.
It's been worse since this very immature Facebook "game" supposedly about breast cancer awareness started. How is pretending to be pregnant going to help breast cancer awareness? In a few words, it don't!! The other day, I was checking my Facebook (because that's the only way I know what's going on) and I don't know how many people had put up that they were so many weeks and craving whatever. So, I posted this on Facebook:
"Before playing the "Breast Cancer Awareness Game", please consider "how does this support someone that is actually fighting this disease?" How does a post about my shoe size and where I leave my purse make the person who just had a double mastectomy feel cared for? How is a post supporting the person that has just been told "due to chemotherapy you are going through, you are most likely infertile", when the posts make it sound like everyone is pregnant?"
I had few likes on that and when I posted someone else's blog page that was talking about it, a few people reposted. It's hurtful!!
Anyway, getting away from that Facebook stuff. I'm just hurting. Next week will be our 3rd anniversary and it just seems like somethings missing. Well, it is missing, but... I am thankful to be married to Matt! I'm not going to say it's been all sunshine and roses, but I don't think anyone can say that. We've had our ups and downs. It's just that something (or should I say, someone) is missing that makes our family complete.
If you are not going through infertility, here are a few tips from Resolve.com that might help when talking to someone going through this:
Don't tell them to relax
Don't minimize the problem
Don't say there are worse things that could happen
Don't say they aren't meant to be parents
Don't ask why they aren't trying IVF
Don't be crude
Don't complain about your pregnancy
Don't treat them like they are ignorant
Don't gossip about your friend's condition
Don't push adoption
Let them know you care
Remember them on Mother's Day
Support their decision to stop treatments
Here are some of my personal favorites that I've been told:
There's always adoption. Yes, we do realize that. At this point, that's not even something that is up for discussion.
Don't rush it, you're still young. I just turned 30 last month. Fertility decreases as a woman gets older. Her most fertile years are between 20 and 25.
You really don't want kids, they're nothing but heartache. Yes, I know that having children isn't going to be all hearts and flowers.
Do you want mine? Only if you promise not to call the cops on me for kidnapping!!! :)
For more, use your favorite search engine and look up "what not to say to an infertile." You'll find some that will blow your socks off!! And for a parting note, a song that describes how most of us feel!
